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THE TODDLER ROADMAP SERIES 2: Episode 13 – Preparing Toddlers for Handling a New Brother or Sister.

"Everything you need to raise a happy, confident, resilient toddler 
undamaged by living through a pandemic!"

Show notes:

In this episode we will be looking at handling a new brother or sister positively and preparing your toddler for a new arrival. It doesn't need for your toddler to feel jealous or other negative emotions to their new sibling, we talk about some tips on how to handle this situation.

In this episode:

  • Let your toddler feel their emotions and be patient with them.
  • ​Some lovely books that can help you with having a new born baby and a toddler.
  • ​Encourage your toddler to help in any way possible in taking care of the new born baby.
  • ​‘My Son Hates Brushing His Teeth – What Can I Do?’ 7 Tips to Help
First-born children usually feel a whole raft of different emotions when a younger sibling
is born. Excitement, anxiety, love, hate, pride, and jealousy to name just a few.
The trick, as a parent, is to allow your child to express all these feelings openly without
judgement, good and bad, at least in words.

Without this outlet your toddler's perfectly understandable negative emotions are much
more likely to lead to physical outbursts - hitting, pinching, or pushing, or feelings of
displacement.

Before the baby is born, be more understanding and tolerant and give your toddler permission to feel cross or jealous by being more patient as their parent.
  • Once the baby is born tell your toddler often that your love for them hasn’t changed and make them feel special and grown up – get out their baby book and look through photos with them to make them feel special and unique and a very important part of your whole family unit.
  • If your toddler shouts in anger that they want the baby to go back, acknowledge that their frustration that the baby is getting more of your attention and acknowledge that they would like the baby to disappear sometimes – just relax and look for a regular time that you can spend alone with your toddler so that they can have more of your “special” time together which will reassure them and build bridges not walls between you.
  • ​Ask friends and relatives to be sensitive to your toddler's needs and to spend some time talking to them rather than with and about the baby when they pop in.
  • ​If your toddler does hit the baby, you will need to be clear that this is unacceptable. You could say, 'No hitting allowed'. But remember to give your toddler another way to express themselves, perhaps by saying, 'Show me how you feel with this cushion/doll/play-dough' and then watch while they show you.
  • ​Let your toddler decide when the baby gets attention at least some of the time. You may say, 'Let's play this game together and you let me know when you think the baby needs a feed'. No toddler, given this responsibility, will allow a younger sibling to cry for long and their pleasure that you trusted them will really help them feel important, grown up and bring more loving feelings towards their new brother or sister.
  • ​Explain in advance - take some quiet time together to tell your toddler that you're pregnant and that another baby will soon be joining your family. It’s a good idea to leave it to quite late as toddlers have no sense of time and will keep asking when the baby will be here! Nine months can seem like an eternity to a small child, so there's no need to tell them too soon, but you also may not want them to find out from someone else either. Relax and enjoy talking with them and answer their questions honestly and appropriately to their age and maturity.
  • ​Reassure your toddler - give plenty of comfort to your toddler if they seem worried or upset and explain you'll always love them.
Some lovely books with this theme to reassure them are:
  • My New Baby (All in a Day) by Annie Kubler
  • ​I'm a Big Brother by Joanna Cole
  • ​I'm a Big Sister by Joanna Cole
Check out my Book Club for lots of great books around this subject and lots of other great books too
  • Be honest - explain that babies can't do anything for themselves, and they will need a lot of time and attention and also explain that they tend to cry a lot which is their way of communicating so your little one won’t be too distressed when the new baby cries.
  • ​Involve your child – where possible, get your child to help in preparing for the baby in lots of different ways to create excitement rather than jealousy
  • ​Avoid change - try to avoid making changes to their routine close to the birth as this can really upset your toddler and create nightmares, jealousy, and unnecessary anxiety.

After the birth

  • Encourage your toddler to help with the baby - think of ways they can help you as this makes them feel important, part of the family and grown up. i.e. Getting the nappies, a bath towel, or a toy, for example - but never insist on this if they really aren’t interested as this will just make matters worse.
Once the baby has arrived, it's perfectly normal for your child to feel confused, angry, or upset as well as excited and enthusiastic to help:
  • Supervision. Make sure you keep an eye on your toddler and supervise them together.
  • ​Teach them to gently and carefully touch their new brother or sister, because 'Overloving’ which is hugging too tightly or kissing too hard is very common amongst little ones and demonstrates the confusion, jealousy and mixed feelings that some toddlers feel for their new arrival.
To get my full advice and videos join my Toddler Roadmap MODULE 13
To find out Check out Module 13 on my TODDLER ROADMAP for the comprehensive low down on everything you need to know about new babies and jealous siblings
• I have filmed and written tips for Disney’s ‘The Gift of Play’ website. Get inspired and spark the magic of imaginative play with my tips & videos in collaboration with Disney, Pixar, Star Wars™ and Marvel.

Download & Discover ‘The Gift of Play!’ Guide

Bursting with inspirational play ideas, arts, crafts, games, activities and puzzles!

There’s a new feature on my Instagram: @sueatkins18

#ParentHacks

Store and organise Lego bricks and other small pieces using a shoe storage bag.

Pause to Ponder This Week:

What can I do this week to make my toddler feel special? (Get out their baby book, talk to them about the new baby, play with them each day for 10 minutes with undivided attention?) 

#TipsandScripts

When you're tempted to say something negative – it’s much better to reframe it into something positive so kids really hear you and can act on what you want them to do.

They’ll feel better – you’ll feel better – win – win!

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Question:

Dear Sue, ‘My son Stuart hates brushing his teeth – what can I do? Toni Grayling from Edinburgh in Scotland

Answer:

Make a Game of Brushing Teeth & ‘Talk & Teach’ Your Kids about The Cavity Monsters
1.The minimum amount of time your children should brush is 2 minutes. Set a timer and see if they can continue for the correct amount of time. Play music or dance to make it fun if they are reluctant!

2.Brush along with them. ... Brush your own teeth while your child is brushing. Get down on their level so they can see what you are doing.

3.Ask your children to show you how clean their teeth are after getting rid of all the cavity monsters.

4. Work together to establish a clear routine and stick to it!

5. Reinforce the importance of brushing teeth by giving them good, clear reasons. Tell them that brushing everyday helps to prevent cavities and will give them a beautiful smile.

6. Demonstrate how to brush in circles, like train wheels going around on a track from left-to-right and right-to left.

7. Show them how you brush all their teeth, top and bottom, front and back.

8. Let them pick their own toothbrush & toothpaste – some toothbrushes even feature their favourite characters. Let them pick a couple of different ones, so they can have fun choosing which one they want to use.

9. Children's toothpaste comes in a variety of flavours and varieties- as strong mint isn’t always a favourite for kids so let them use their favourite one.
Make a Game of Brushing Teeth
  • The minimum amount of time your children should brush is 2 minutes. Set a timer and see if they can continue for the correct amount of time.
  • ​Brush along with them. Have a contest to see who can create the most bubbles with their brushing.
  • ​Ask your children to show you how clean their teeth are after getting rid of all the cavity monsters.
Compliment Your Child’s Brushing
  • You want them to develop a life-lifelong oral care routine, so use positive reinforcement.
  • Create a sticker chart and give them stars for brushing their teeth twice a day and for flossing once a day. Then reward them on a Friday/Weekend by doing some ‘ING’ activity with you – like cookING, paintING, bike ridING, gardenING, readING, playING football, cricket, throwING & catchING, or a board game.
Children under 3 years of age should use a smear of a children’s fluoride toothpaste and children over 3 should use a pea-sized amount of fluoride toothpaste (unless your dentist recommends toothpaste with more fluoride).

If your child swallows toothpaste.

It is important that parents supervise young children brushing their teeth and always keep toothpastes out of reach of small children to minimise swallowing.

After brushing, children should spit the toothpaste out – but not rinse as the fluoride toothpaste can continue to protect their teeth.

Parentverse 

Sue Atkins in Conversation with Dr. Caspar Addyman – Author of The Laughing Baby

Time To Take Action

Sign up to my Toddler Roadmap
My Toddler Roadmap looks at all the aspects of raising your toddler so they are not damaged by a unique time in history - living through a pandemic - & each module will help you to nurture your child’s mental health and wellbeing and this podcast is linked to my Toddler Roadmap training.

I’m going to hold your hand, support and guide you through everything you need to know about raising happy, confident resilient kids – today’s toddlers but tomorrow’s adults!
I want you to relax & have total confidence that you’ve got a parenting expert who’s got your back - showing you the way to happy, confident kids and knowing the pandemic didn’t damage your kids long term!

In my TODDLER Roadmap Course and Community I will give you the step by step guide for handling toddler tantrums and why they happen, I give you the roadmap for potty training, why kids become fussy eaters and what to do about it. I show you how to build self confidence in your toddler and explain why they say ‘why?’ all the time, I give you my parenting hacks on how to handle sibling rivalry when another baby arrives, I tell you about the importance of play and how to handle when they say ‘NO!’

I tell you how to handle whining, crying, and biting. I show you my tips for getting kids into a good bedtime routine and why that’s important. I talk about why reading with kids is so important and why singing nursery rhymes with them helps their language development. I show you how to handle night terrors and I look at the bigger picture to your parenting – not just the socks and pants of life that we all get stuck in!

So, I’m really excited to share with you my Toddler Roadmap

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Coming up Next Week 

Coming up in Episode 14 we will be looking a smacking /spanking. This is not about judging, finger pointing or blaming but all about supporting, changing and empowering you with different solutions to the age old problem of raising happy, confident, well behaved kids who push our buttons but need our kindness, respect, trust and love.

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Jump on and join in – it’s free from finger pointing or tut-tting – it takes a village and we’re all in this together!
It’s like a community clubhouse – to make sure we get together to chat, laugh and support each other on the journey – so grab a coffee and let’s get social 😊
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