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THE TODDLER ROADMAP SERIES 2: Episode 11 – What to Do When Your Toddler Won’t Sleep or Stay in Their Own Bed

"Everything you need to raise a happy, confident, resilient toddler 
undamaged by living through a pandemic!"

Show notes:

In this episode we will be looking at SLEEP: some simple steps for settling your toddler to sleep, what to do if they wake, and how to handle night terrors and nightmares confidently.

In this episode:

  • Does Your Child Fight Against Daily Naps? These 3 Top Tips Will Help.
  • ​Download & Discover Disney’s ‘The Gift of Play!’ Guide To Inspire You.
  • ​Toddlers need 11-14 hours of sleep every 24 hours. That’s usually 10-12 hours at night and 1-2 hours during the day.
  • ​Common toddler sleep problems include having trouble settling to sleep and not wanting to stay in bed at bedtime.
  • ​A positive bedtime routine helps toddlers get ready for sleep.
Toddlers need 11-14 hours sleep every 24 hours. Usually this is a sleep of 10-12 hours a night, and a nap of 1-2 hours during the day.

Toddlers are developing quickly, and their sleep patterns change a great deal at this age. For example, it can seem that your toddler is having trouble settling to sleep, getting to sleep or sleeping through the night, at least some of the time. And toddlers love to test their independence, so getting them to bed in the first place can be a challenge!

Once you can spot your child’s signs of tiredness, you’ll be able to settle your child to sleep before grumpiness sets in. A firm and consistent bedtime routine will be a big help with many toddler settling and sleep issues.

Understanding sleep and sleep patterns is an important starting point for helping your child develop healthy habits and a positive attitude towards sleep.
Here is my article to help:
Simple steps for settling to sleep:
Create a simple and familiar routine for bedtime – i.e. feed, bath, and bed.
  • Always allow some time for your toddler to settle – if they make a fuss, don’t go back immediately into the room as this gives them the message that you are at their beck and call and that they are (unconsciously) in control. But on the other hand don’t leave them for so long they get really distressed. Find a happy medium and trust your intuition.
  • ​Some toddlers settle better if you keep things quiet in the evenings, and slow the day down naturally with a story, quiet time and relaxing music, while others are better if you keep natural house noises going, as it’s reassuring to know you’re nearby.
  • ​Make sure your toddler winds down before going to bed, as this makes the transition from lively boisterous, excitable toddler to calm, relaxed, tired little toddler much easier.
  • ​If your toddler keeps getting up after you’ve put them to bed, you need to be firm, consistent and clear in your expectations of what you want to happen and take them back to bed again… and again… and again – it may take time, but eventually they’ll get the message. You need to be relaxed, calm and confident in your body language and tone of voice.
  • ​It’s common for toddlers to “milk the guilt” of busy working parents who often don’t get home until later in the evening, and they mess about and fuss at bedtime to get your attention. Don’t join in with this tactic and remember toddlers who enjoy consistent bedtimes and familiar going-to-sleep rituals usually go to sleep easier and stay asleep longer.
Read more about dealing with waking too early:
A positive bedtime routine helps toddlers feel ready for sleep and settle more easily when they wake at night.

Most toddlers are ready for bed between 6.30 pm and 7.30 pm. This is a good time, because they sleep deepest between 8 pm and midnight. It’s important to keep the routine consistent on weekends as well as during the week.
A bedtime routine might look something like this:
7 pm: brush teeth and change nappy

7.15 pm: quiet time (read a book or tell a story)

7.30 pm: into bed and kiss goodnight.

Before you turn out the light, it’s a good idea to do a quick check of your child’s room to make sure the sleeping environment is safe.
Check out Module 11 on my TODDLER ROADMAP for the comprehensive low down on everything you need to know about SLEEP
You can find a full article on the topic, videos that summarise the different elements and links to any tools or resources we’ve pointed out. You can also drop us a comment there and get involved in the conversation.
• How to Get Your Toddler to Stay in Their Bed All Night
1. Falling Asleep Independently Will Help Keep Your Toddler in Bed All Night. Teach them to self soothe- when you are able to leave their room while they are still awake, you know they have developed the skills to self-soothe and fall asleep independently in the first place.
2. Sleep Retreat, Repeat.

Complete the bedtime routine as normal, including hugs, kisses, and encouragement.

Leave quickly without fanfare and no answering last-minute pleas or requests.

If your kid gets up, walk them back to bed calmly, tuck them in again and remind them they need to stay in bed. Leave the room.

If your kids get up again, walk them back to bed calmly and now silently. Tuck them into bed. Leave the room.

Repeat.
3. Make Clear Expectations About Staying in Bed

Make sure your toddler knows what you expect from them.

‘Talk and Teach’ them – your expectations in a confident tone.
• I have filmed and written tips for Disney’s ‘The Gift of Play’ website. Get inspired and spark the magic of imaginative play with my tips & videos in collaboration with Disney, Pixar, Star Wars™ and Marvel.

Download & Discover ‘The Gift of Play!’ Guide

Bursting with inspirational play ideas, arts, crafts, games, activities and puzzles!

There’s a new feature on my Instagram: @sueatkins18

#ParentHacks

Add a lint roller to your arts & crafts activities! 🎨

A lint roller picks up glitter brilliantly!

#TipsandScripts

When you're tempted to say something negative – it’s much better to reframe it into something positive so kids really hear you and can act on what you want them to do.

They’ll feel better – you’ll feel better – win – win!

For example, DON’T SNATCH can become ‘Remember to Ask Nicely’

JOIN MY PEANUT COMMUNITY

Sue Atkins Toddler Roadmap Community
My parenting community on Peanut is a chance to connect with me one on one, ask questions, find support and make friends

I do LIVE PODS – like Instagram Lives – and you can have access to me 1-2-1 over on the Peanut app for FREE 😊

Question:

Dear Sue, our toddler Tom was waking up four times a night and having 20-minute naps a couple of times in the day. He is tired and grumpy and we are too! What can we do?
– Ingrid Stewart from Norway.

Answer:

In the busy life of a toddler, having to stop playtime in order to take a nap may well seem like it’s the end of the world but active toddlers need naps.

Daytime sleep not only is important for a child’s healthy growth and development, but it can also do wonders as a short, refuelling break for you too.

If Tom fights against daily naps here are 3 toddler nap-time tips to help make it go a little more smoothly:
1. Consistency. Make nap time at the same time and in the same place every day. Avoid temporary changes in routine as much as possible. Variations such as a family holidays can often push your toddler’s nap time to later in the afternoon, which can then push their bedtime even later.

2. Use napping rituals. Especially if your toddler attends day care, napping in new or different locations can sometimes be challenging. Create a favourite stuffed animal, a special napping blanket, or another comfort item that your toddler can take to wherever nap time may be to help them feel relaxed, secure and safe.

3. When your toddler refuses to sleep, make sure that they still get quiet time. Lay your child down quietly in a dark room. Reada story to them or playing soft music. Even if your toddler doesn’t fall asleep, they will get some rest and recover time.
Usually around 18 months old, children can begin to consolidate their nap time and go from two naps a day to one. As they get older, their need for nap time begins to decrease because they are able to get all the sleep that they need at night. If your toddler is getting close to 11 to 12 hours of sleep through the night, they may not need a nap at all.

Parentverse 

Sue in Conversation with Wendy White Creator of My Mood Stars a fantastic resource to support children’s emotions.

Time To Take Action

Sign up to my Toddler Roadmap
My Toddler Roadmap looks at all the aspects of raising your toddler so they are not damaged by a unique time in history - living through a pandemic - & each module will help you to nurture your child’s mental health and wellbeing and this podcast is linked to my Toddler Roadmap training.

I’m going to hold your hand, support and guide you through everything you need to know about raising happy, confident resilient kids – today’s toddlers but tomorrow’s adults!
I want you to relax & have total confidence that you’ve got a parenting expert who’s got your back - showing you the way to happy, confident kids and knowing the pandemic didn’t damage your kids long term!

In my TODDLER Roadmap Course and Community I will give you the step by step guide for handling toddler tantrums and why they happen, I give you the roadmap for potty training, why kids become fussy eaters and what to do about it. I show you how to build self confidence in your toddler and explain why they say ‘why?’ all the time, I give you my parenting hacks on how to handle sibling rivalry when another baby arrives, I tell you about the importance of play and how to handle when they say ‘NO!’

I tell you how to handle whining, crying, and biting. I show you my tips for getting kids into a good bedtime routine and why that’s important. I talk about why reading with kids is so important and why singing nursery rhymes with them helps their language development. I show you how to handle night terrors and I look at the bigger picture to your parenting – not just the socks and pants of life that we all get stuck in!

So, I’m really excited to share with you my Toddler Roadmap

Check out my YouTube Channel Playlist – videos released every Tuesday and Friday

Remember, if you want to review what we’ve talked about, check out the full Show Notes

There, you can find a full article on the topic, videos that summarise the different elements and links to any tools or resources we’ve pointed out. You can also drop us a comment there and get involved in the conversation.
To get my full advice and videos join my Toddler Roadmap

Coming up Next Week 

Coming up in Episode 12 we will be looking setting boundaries for your toddler.
If you find disciplining your toddler difficult, this episode may well save your sanity and get you and your children on the path towards an organised, happy and harmonious home life!

Managing your children’s behaviour takes hard work, persistence, dedication, a sense of perspective, and a healthy sense of humour, but with time and effort - along with my tips and strategies in this collection I know you can and will succeed.

I think it helps to remember to expect the best from your toddler, to get the basics right, and to stay positive. Your kids will grow up into well-mannered and well-behaved adults to make you proud.

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I have created a private and safe space for us all – a Facebook Group called ‘Don’t Stew ~ Ask Sue Atkins’ where you can ask me anything from niggles, worries, or problems or perhaps you’d just like some new ideas or you’d like to make some new friends.

Jump on and join in – it’s free from finger pointing or tut-tting – it takes a village and we’re all in this together!
It’s like a community clubhouse – to make sure we get together to chat, laugh and support each other on the journey – so grab a coffee and let’s get social 😊
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