The only time I can think of when, “one size fits all "is when I bought those cheap socks from the £ shop at Christmas and they really do stretch to fit everyone. Parenting isn't like this!
As your children grow and mature their abilities, interests, worries, and ideas change. It's true that the basics of good parenting apply to all children, but the way you implement your rules and values must bend and adapt to fit your children's age, personality, interests, and circumstances. You shouldn't change any of the fundamentals, but you must adapt them and be flexible to fit your child's character and your ever-changing family needs.
Remember
The important thing to remember is that your role as a parent changes as your child grows.
It's that simple!
What worked well when your child was in nursery won't necessarily work when they reach Junior School or is likely to succeed when they enter adolescence.
This may seem obvious to you, but you'd be surprised at how many parents I work with that refuse to change their parenting style or the language they use as their children develop and then they find themselves wondering why they are having so much difficulty using techniques that always seemed to work before.
I think it is helpful to understand that there are key developments taking place in your kids and to realise what they really mean to you as a parent.
Firstly, when your child develops from one stage to the next, he is changing on the inside as well is on the outside. Your child is not just growing in shoe size but is changing in the way they think and feel, what they think about themselves, what they are now capable of and how they relate to other people, including you!
Secondly, the psychological stages of development that children go through are reasonably predictable and so that makes it easier to anticipate. The strange thing is, most parents make a special effort to learn how to parent during the early years, but they don't expend so much energy on the pre-school years, pre-teen or the adolescent stages and just put their head in the sand until problems arise.
Don't make that mistake!
Learn about each stage of development, before your child gets there, so you can remain prepared and flexible to the changes.
Thirdly, remember children are all unique and develop at their own pace and speed and you can't rush them through a particular phase. Sometimes they take two steps forward and three steps back!
Fourthly, remember your children are developing and changing -therefore, so are you!
Enjoy the opportunities being presented to you - don't see them as necessarily a negative experience. Grow, develop, and discover together!
The drive and independence that is making your three-year-olds say "no" all the time is the same process making your 13-year-old daughter argumentative at the dinner table, but it is also making her more inquisitive in the classroom.
Embrace the wider implications of your child’s actions. It's all about getting "inside" the mind of your child at their particular age. It's all about EMPATHY.
Remember
Parenting is not about winning and losing-it’s about helping your child develop self-confidence in a healthy, balanced way. Sometimes it is about you changing, stepping back, and being mature and magnanimous. It is about you, staying flexible.
Adjusting your parenting style to match your children's temperament is also a useful tool in your toolkit of parenting skills.
Don’t fight your child's temperament, celebrate, and work with it to create a happy, relaxed, self-confident child, comfortable with their own temperament.
I think it helps to remember that children don't develop in straight lines as growing up is a gradual process. It is worth remembering that a lot of development occurs in spurts. Sometimes your child is developing psychologically in sprints-they rest and recover, then they sprint ahead again racing, resting, and recovering again.
Many people describe raising a child like a bird getting ready to fly, or a boat being built, ready to be launched. Whatever your analogy it is what your job as a parent is really all about creating a healthy, happy, self-confident, independent adult.