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THE TODDLER ROADMAP SERIES: Episode 6 - How to Tame YOUR Temper & Stop Nagging! 

"Everything you need to raise a happy, confident, resilient toddler 
undamaged by living through a pandemic!"

Show notes:

In this episode you’ll learn about ‘The Monkeys Are Jumping Strategy’ and ‘How to Handle Anger Positively’ and I’ll give you my ‘Practical Tips on How to RESPOND Rather Than REACT With My Pause Button Technique’

In this episode:

  • How to release your feelings healthily
  • ​How to manage your anger
  • ​If you have a Habitual Anger and what it is
Everyone gets angry with their kids at some time or another – it’s normal – it’s healthy. Kids know just what buttons to push - and they push them! It helps to accept that anger is an honest emotion, but it’s what you choose to do with your anger that’s important.
Don’t be afraid to let your anger take its natural course – your thoughts are your feelings in action or motion. That’s why some people describe them as e-motion. And if you suppress your anger, it can lead to frustration, resentment, bitterness, a sense of hopelessness and depression which is not a good thing for you or your children long term.

So how do your release your feelings healthily?

One way is to press an imaginary internal ‘pause button’ (like the one on your TV Remote Control) and ask yourself ‘What exactly am I annoyed about?’ This helps you step back from the situation – getting you back in control and helping to calm yourself down.

You will probably discover that you get wound up by the same things over and over again and this is a great opportunity to ask yourself another empowering question. ‘What would I like to see happen in a perfect world?’ as this helps you start focusing on a new solution to your frustration. Relax and start to breathe slowly and deeply – this takes the edge out of the anger. You need to focus very specifically on what it is you want to see happen. This gives you clarity and direction and helps you pass this on to your children who don’t often understand what exactly it is you want them to do.

Also ask yourself, ‘Is my attitude moving me closer to or further away from the relationship I want with my children long term?’ This question takes you immediately out of the mundane and humdrum into the bigger picture of your parenting. It immediately changes your perspective.

Another positive step to take is to talk openly and honestly to your child about how you are feeling, in ways such as:

‘I’m tired of telling you this over and over again because I feel …’
‘I’m angry with you because …’
‘I’m hurt because you did …’

This teaches your child about empathy and immediately takes the emotional charge out of your frustration.

Anger Management Strategies

If you feel like screaming and shouting at your kids, then your own anger has probably been building up for a long time. A helpful strategy is to look in a mirror and imagine talking to the other person as if they were looking at you in that mirror. Imagine them sitting calmly, attentively and in a relaxed state listening to you properly. Tell them exactly how you feel – speak truthfully – explain all the frustration, anger, hurt or disappointment. You can even try to imagine a rainbow going between you, bridging the gap of misunderstanding.

Some people hit pillows, bounce on the bed, hit golf balls in the garden or go for a long, hard walk round the block – I have even been known to go into a cupboard and have a good swear to myself! Do something physical to release your charged -up emotions. Don’t be reckless or dangerous to yourself or your child. Just step back, breathe deeply and slowly, and find what suits you and experiment with it. Sometimes you may even make yourself laugh because you look or sound ridiculous – a great way to change your mood.

Your anger can serve a positive purpose and help you to find out what’s really bothering you deep down. Just asking yourself ‘What am I so angry about?’ will help you identify what you’d like to change. It’s usually something small that can make a big difference in your life and help you move forward – not stay stuck.

Once you’ve expressed your anger about the behaviour that you don’t like in your child, do not criticise them personally. Do your best to forgive your child – and yourself – have a hug, say sorry and move on to learn the lesson from the experience.

Habitual Anger

Maybe you’re a person who’s been angry for a long time or a major part of your life? I call this ‘habitual anger’ because you’ve got used to behaving in this way, so it’s become a habit. Habitual anger is trying to tell you something – ask yourself some deeper questions.
  • Why am I choosing to be angry all the time?
  • What am I doing to create these situations time and time again?
  • ​What is it that’s making me angry?
  • ​Who am I really angry at?
  • ​What do I believe about my life that causes all these frustrations?
  • ​Is this the only way I can react to life?
  • ​What could I do differently?
  • ​How could I feel more in control of my life?
  • ​What new skills do I need to learn?
Habitual anger is not good for your body as it creates stress, tension, and illness. So, it’s really a great relief when you start to understand what’s causing it and begin to make some small changes to help you feel more in control of your life generally.

Many women, particularly mums, have been taught that to be angry is bad and unacceptable and that to lose your temper means you are a Bad Person or a Bad Parent. However, swallowing your anger is an unhealthy response as it turns inwards and makes you feel unhappy, helpless, stuck, depressed and generally out of control of your life.

Acknowledge that it’s normal to lose your temper sometimes and find a strategy or technique that suits you to release it safely. You are a role model for your children in everything that you do, so teach them how to handle anger and frustration healthily and talk about it with them.

What better gift can you give your children?

To download my free “Anger Diary” to notice your trigger points and when you ‘lose it!’ go to
Kevin and I talk about my ‘The Monkeys Are Jumping Strategy’ available EXCLUSIVELY in my Toddler Roadmap training and community 
In my TODDLER Roadmap Course and Community, I will give you the roadmap for handling toddler tantrums and why they happen, I give you the roadmap for potty training, why kids become fussy eaters and what to do about it. I show you how to build self confidence in your toddler and explain why they say ‘why?’ all the time, I give you my parenting hacks on how to handle sibling rivalry when another baby arrives, I tell you about the importance of play and how to handle when they say ‘NO!’

I tell you how to handle whining, crying, and biting. I show you my tips for getting kids into a good bedtime routine and why that’s important. I talk about why reading with kids is so important and why singing nursery rhymes with them helps their language development. I show you how to handle night terrors and I look at the bigger picture to your parenting – not just the socks and pants of life that we all get stuck in!

Subscribe & join me on the journey – bursting with videos and audios and written modules- A Step-By-Step Guide To Nurturing An Independent, Resilient, Can Do Child.

You love your kids and want to be the best parent you can, but you don't have time or money for regular parenting classes. We all know that raising amazing kids is incredibly important, but also painfully hard. Most parents end up settling for a mediocre experience because they're too busy to take courses on how to raise their children.

The Toddler Roadmap solves this problem by teaching parents, just like you, how to raise amazing kids on their own terms and schedule with bite-sized training content from top child development experts delivered right into your inbox!
Kevin and I talk about how to respond not react to our kids.

Much of our lives is spent in reaction to others and to events around us.

The problem is that these reactions might not always be the best course of action, and as a result, they can make our children, ourselves, and those around us unhappy, and can make things worse for everyone & often make the situation worse.

They can often damage our toddler’s self-esteem as well - unknowingly.

Here is my blog about:

  • Make a commitment to stay in control
  • ​Expect your child to push your buttons
  • ​Use the Pause Button Technique
  • ​Commit to ‘Responding DON’T Reacting’

Register to Sue Atkins Toddler Roadmap TODAY!

A Step-By-Step Guide To Nurturing An Independent, Resilient, Can Do Child

You love your kids and want to be the best parent you can, but you don't have time or money for regular parenting classes. We all know that raising amazing kids is incredibly important, but also painfully hard. Most parents end up settling for a mediocre experience because they're too busy to take courses on how to raise their children.

The Toddler Roadmap solves this problem by teaching you how to raise amazing kids on your own terms and schedule with bite-sized training content from myself and top child development experts from around the world delivered right into your inbox!

Chat about PEANUT PODS

Whether it’s 3am and you’re wide awake, or you’re desperate for someone to talk to after a tough day, Pods facilitate live audio conversations to help you connect and share meaningful experiences in real-time. You can hop in and out, exploring different live conversations no matter where you are, or what you’re doing by downloading the Peanut App
I’m doing a series of Toddler Live Pods on Mondays at 7pm GMT or 2 pm EST
I’ve done, The Big Gremlin of Mum Guilt
Handling Biting
Coping with Tantrums
and coming up are:
  • The Importance of saying “No” to your toddler.
  • ​Talking and Listening Effectively
  • ​Overcoming Sleep Problems Easily 
  • ​​21st February: Siblings Without Rivalry!
  • ​28th February:  Setting Boundaries for Your Toddler And Strategies For Discipline.
  • ​7th March: Preparing Your Toddler for A New Baby
Kevin and I chat… - I was chatting to my kids over the weekend as we all went out to dinner together & we got talking about songs we used to sing along to in the car when they were little.
It got me thinking of the soundtrack playlist that would sum up the Toddler Years. It is just fun look at the different stages of parenthood that could be the anthem for each stage of your child’s life.

The Toddler Stage

This stage is lots of fun, you need to have a lot of energy to be a parent to a toddler don’t you?

They have loads amounts of energy!

One song that immediately comes to mind is ‘Why’ by Annie Lennox!

Toddlers are constantly asking you questions. They are curious and want answers for everything that pops into their head.

Another song that from this stage is when they start learning how to walk, so naturally ‘Walk this Way’ by D.C.M & Aerosmith is part of the playlist for this age range 😂

How about ‘Happy’ by Pharrell Williams?

Some Mums on Instagram said ‘I Predict a Riot’ by the Kaiser Chiefs and ‘My Stride’ by Matthew Wilder

What would be on your playlist to sum up & describe your Toddler Years
How about ‘No Sleep Till Brooklyn’ by The Beastie Boys! 😂
 
I’ll feature them in the next episode of my TODDLER Roadmap podcast 🎙

Question:

Dear Sue, my husband says I am constantly nagging little Mo and I am constantly on her case the whole time, but rules are important to me. I grew up in Vietnam where my parents were strict with us four and I want my daughter to be respectful and helpful and do as she’s told. We are having a few arguments over this – what do we do? Bernila Garcia from Selson, Surrey

Answer:

Family rules help children understand what behaviours are okay and not okay at home. As children grow, they will be in lots of places where they have to follow the rules. Following rules at home can help your child learn to follow rules in other places.

It’s totally normal for toddlers to break rules and test limits. But it’s important to be firm, fair, and consistent and to follow through with consequences when your rules are broken to help your toddler have a clear understanding about the importance of rules.

Remember, toddlers and children sometimes break rules because they simply forget and not all broken rules occur because children are testing your limits.

Here’s why all family members should know and follow the rules:

For family rules to work well, everyone needs to know, understand, and follow the rules. By doing this, children don’t get mixed messages about what is okay or not okay. For example, you know screen time should be limited for young children and you want dinner time to be screen free family time, so you set a family rule that no screens are allowed during dinner time. If a parent checks their phone during dinner, your child may be confused. Your child’s behaviour will be better if all caregivers support the rules in the same way. This is true for all the people involved - parents, grandparents, or any other caregivers in your child’s life.

Here are some simple steps that can help all family members be consistent. 
  • talk about what rules your family want – (not too many) and agree which ones to set.
  • post the rules up on the fridge in the house so everyone can see and remember them.
  • talk with the other adults who care for your toddler about the rules to make sure everyone knows what is allowed and not allowed to avoid confusion.
  • ​ask all caregivers to be consistent in monitoring and enforcing the rules – grandparents love to spoil your little one so handle what you say diplomatically! 
  • ​remind your toddler about the rules by repeating them often.

Don’t have too many family rules for your toddler.

The number of rules you set depends on your child’s ability to understand and remember. It is also hard for you to consistently enforce lots of new rules. For young children, focus on only two or three of the most important rules at any one time. As your child learns a rule and is following it consistently, you can add new rules.
Praise and encourage your toddler all the time instead of nagging them!
Step 1: Identify the Rules
Step 2: Explain the Rules
Step 3: Follow the Rules
Step 4: Use the Consequences for not following the Rules.
It seems children repeatedly challenge the boundaries we as parents set for them. It’s what kids do who are growing up and becoming independent. This guide provides you with information and tips, as well as short checklist, on setting the rules …
As it is suitable for kids of all ages & allows you to record and playback 40 seconds of yourself saying 'That was Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy' via the built-in microphone and speaker – to motivate & encourage your child to brush their teeth, do their homework or tidy away their toys!

Your Parent Guide to Toddler Proofing Your Kitchen

Why Every Tired Mum Needs an Almond Croissant!

I read this story and could really relate – with this tired mum in Brisbane as I too could see myself reflected in the messy bun piled on her head, stained flannelette shirt and remnants of old nail polish on her toes.

‘The Saturday morning queue at my local Brisbane café is long.

It’s my first time leaving the house alone since the birth of my second baby, Bobby, six weeks ago. My 18-month-old toddler, Noah, clutched the rails of the safety gate, sobbing, as I kissed him goodbye with promises of a smartie cookie on my return.

I notice another mum ahead of me, cradling a new baby and trying to stop her toddler from sprinting outside. Just as she’s approaching the counter, her toddler breaks free, and she’s forced to abandon the queue to chase her outside.’

The woman’s toddler escapes again, this time to yank a large handful of geraniums out of a pot outside. She follows, and flops down onto a milk crate seat, tossing her face mask aside in defeat. She settles her newborn into the pram. A triple pram. What? Yes. There are two tiny newborns, plus Daisy!
I can’t bear it any longer. I rush over to her…….

Been there? Get it? Tell me your stories.

Check out my YouTube Channel Playlist on Handling Toddlers – as well as all my Youtube videos from toddlers to teenagers

Videos released every Tuesday and Friday

Subscribe to win a free book Suzie’s Toilet Book to help your toddler’s success learning this new skill.

Remember, if you want to review what we’ve talked about, check out the full Show Notes at www.toddlerroadmap.com/anger
20 Positive Phrases to Use Instead of Nagging | Positive Parenting | Sue Atkins |

Parentverse 

Sue Atkins in Conversation with Sue Asquith Award Winning International Early Childhood Consultant and Author of ‘Self-Regulation Skills in Young Children.’

Listen and Subscribe to The Toddler Roadmap Podcast Series

Discussing every possible aspect of parenting, giving you advice and support on topics which affect your daily life. Each free, weekly episode is bursting with practical tips, techniques and ideas.

Coming up Next Week 

Coming up next week we’ll be looking at biting – why your toddler might do it and what you can do to stop it quickly and easily.
P.S Can I ask you a favour? If you’d enjoyed this episode tell a friend or family member about it and subscribe 

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