Probably not!!

So why it is most families don’t ever think of what they are trying to achieve with their parenting?

I believe that good families – even great families – are off track 90% of the time and I believe the key to successful parenting is having a sense of direction and a clear vision of your destination.

I remember when I was on my first NLP Practitioner course in London with Richard Bandler and Paul McKenna and I got chatting to a really nice chap from Holland who was a pilot and he told me something that really surprised me – the majority of the time an airplane doesn’t travel on its specific flight course – it’s actually 90% off course most of it’s journey!!

I have often wondered how planes reach their destination, when there are so many factors such as air currents and the weather constantly moving them off course. Obviously, the pilot’s navigation instruments, skill and expertise help to bring the airplane to its safe destination and throughout the flight; the pilot is constantly guiding and adjusting the plane towards its intended flight path.

But the key thing for me was that the ultimate destination is always in the pilot’s mind all through the journey, and no matter how far away from its route the plane is flying, they are constantly steering the plane back towards the intended destination.

This made me think that bringing up children is not so dissimilar to piloting a plane and most of us don’t even have a flight plan!!

It is impossible to be a perfect parent all the time – that only happens in Hollywood films and it’s difficult staying on a really tight defined course because there are too many variables, such as your children’s personalities, the pressures of work, other children in your family, looking after elderly relatives and all the other unexpected dynamics and challenges of everyday living.

But effective and successful parents have a flight plan. They know where they are going and what they want to achieve – they have a strategy, not necessarily a specific hard and fast map cast in stone, but an overall plan to guide them to their destination.

By designing and planning an appropriate parenting path in your mind, you too can keep yourself from straying too far off course, and it will really help you to reach your parenting goals.

So, the analogy of the aeroplane being 90% off course throughout most of its journey and yet still arriving safely at its destination is a very appealing one to me, but hopefully thought provoking enough to make you think about where you are going in your parenting and where you want to end up!

Every family is unique with its own way of doing things and with its own rhythm but the great thing about sitting down together and talking about where you all want to go focuses you on the destination and makes being a family exciting – a bit like planning a holiday!!

Stephen Covey wrote in his book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families”

 “The wonderful thing is that vision is greater than baggage”.

In my TODDLER Roadmap I have created a couple of posters to pop up on your fridge to help remind you that you can download – just sign up to join my TODDLER Roadmap training community here.

So, let’s have a brief look at designing your family’s flight plan so you can have a safe and enjoyable trip and not just fly by the seat of your pants!!!

There’s loads more detail and depth around this topic in my TODDLER Roadmap.

But to kick start you let’s look at:

What makes some families strong? What is their flight plan?

Researchers have worked on finding answers to this for years but it’s not about the experts – it’s about you and your family.

So how do you pass on the baton of life to your children – do you know where you are trying to get to as a family?

I believe the strength of a family comes from your inner beliefs and values – you as the parent, as you are the one flying the plane. If you know what you are trying to achieve which is to develop happy, confident, resilient, independent, well-balanced adults then in the long run you will succeed, and you won’t be blown so easily off course.

Take a few minutes here – pause and get a piece of paper so you can write down all the things you believe are important in a family – things like respecting each others ideas, thoughts, and opinions, respecting someone else’s belongings – being patient and taking care of younger children, showing tolerance, kindness, and patience towards others, being helpful, working hard at school, showing tenacity, being curious or conscientious, being dependable and reliable, being adaptable, being generous and fun loving, being thoughtful, being well-mannered…. whatever you feel is important.

Just write down all the things that you believe are important principles in life and in family life in particular.

It’s also important to think about what your values mean to you and how you live them.

Just relax and write down your ideas and thoughts.

When you’ve done that read over your list and re arrange them in to your top 5 list of priority values.

Did that surprise you?

It’s also a great idea to get to get your partner to do the same thing so you can see if you are both “singing from the same song sheet” and are both going in the same direction.

If you find you’re not – don’t panic – have a coffee together or maybe even go out for a glass of wine to chat over what’s important to you as a couple as it’s really important for your kids to know and be clear about what your values are.

Take some time to really be clear about what you want your family to stand for. This is an important part of planning your parenting destination.