Children develop self-regulation through warm and responsive relationships. They also develop it by watching the adults around them.
Self-regulation starts when children are babies. It develops most in the toddler and preschool years, but it also keeps developing right into adulthood.
For example, babies might suck their fingers for comfort or look away from their caregivers if they need a break from attention or are getting tired.
Toddlers can wait short times for food and toys, but they still probably still snatch toys from other children if it’s something they really want. And tantrums happen when toddlers are overwhelmed by their ‘big’ strong emotions.
Preschoolers are starting to know how to play with other children and understand what’s expected of them but they need lots of practice.
School-age children are getting better at controlling their own wants and needs, imagining other people’s perspectives and seeing both sides of a situation. This means, for example, that they might be able to disagree with other children without having an argument.
Preteens and teenagers are better at planning, sticking with difficult tasks, behaving in socially appropriate ways, and considering how their behaviour affects other people. For example, a teenage child might think about your perspective when they’re negotiating with you about your house rules!
Children who typically feel things strongly and intensely find it harder to self-regulate. It isn’t as hard for children who are more easygoing. Even older children and teenagers sometimes struggle with self-regulation.