This is very common and a phase little ones go through. While this can be quite hurtful if you are the parent who is being excluded, it is helpful to know that this is a phase and it will pass.
Preferring one parent to another, is actually considered healthy development and common among children of all ages & it’s not uncommon for children to prefer one parent over the other for a little while!
Sometimes this is due to a change in your parenting roles or circumstances: like a house move, a new job, or a new arrival in your family or a divorce. During these transitions, you may find that you naturally seem to take on different roles – so who does bedtime changes, who gets breakfast, or who is in charge of the daycare pickup routine.
And sometimes, it’s just because mummy does better more fun bath times, or daddy tells better bedtime stories.
Regardless of the reason, being rejected by your child hurts. But I think if you understand that it’s not personal, is short lived and will pass then you can keep the bigger picture and relax.
Preferring one parent to the other can typically be attributed to the attachment process. The attachment phase begins at birth and continues throughout our lives, and it is an important process for your child to learn.
The purpose of attachment is to find one person who provides your child with ultimate support, trust & security. While your child is learning the attachment process, there might be some exclusions of a parent or caregiver. The exclusion of one of you may fluctuate back and forth between you at different times depending on your child’s need to identify with a parent based on different developmental stages and needs.
Sometimes a child’s exclusion of a parent or caregiver may be exacerbated by your behaviour as a parent. Take a little bit of time to ‘Pause to Ponder’ your roles are parents. Is one parent more fun and relaxed while the other is the main rule setter and disciplinarian?
If so, your child is more likely to attach to the “fun one”– who wouldn’t! Try balancing the ‘good cop/bad cop’ discipline and fun between you and see if that changes anything with the excluded parent.
Thankfully, there are things you can do to survive this awkward stage.